Take good care of yourself

Some of my old patterns changed when I stepped out of a particular environment. When I notice this in myself, I often choose to leave certain toxic environments too. Seeing yourself as separate from an environment is almost impossible. We are all part of a system in which we live.

When you spend a lot of time with negative people, that negativity can grow in your own life as well. You have influence over the direction you take.

People often wonder how they can change. But change from within alone is often not enough.

There have been several studies in which young people with behavioural problems received treatment in a different environment for a period of time. During that time, they changed significantly. Yet when they returned to their old environment, they often fell back into their old problematic behaviour.

What is it that gives our environment such a strong influence on us?

In my work, I focus with clients on setting change in motion from within, while also looking at the environment they are in.

Perhaps you recognise this too: you remain stuck in certain patterns without really finding a way out.

For years, I worked as an employee in a somewhat toxic work environment. I noticed that, no matter how hard I tried to shift my behaviour towards a positive mindset, a particular job would often leave me so exhausted at the end of the day that I fell back into complaining — even though I did not want to. The environment shaped me that way. Working longer hours and going beyond my boundaries were behaviours I saw myself falling into, without making a conscious choice; I was adapting to the environment.

It was behaviour that was not healthy and did not serve me. At the same time, it fitted the work environment I was in at that moment.

In the end, I could only change these patterns by changing my environment too, and by leaving my job at the time.

Sometimes, radical choices are needed to truly break unhealthy patterns.

In other, less toxic situations, it can be more nuanced. For example, by consciously spending time with different people, taking more distance, or seeking a better balance.

But in some toxic situations, it helps to draw a real line and place yourself in a different environment.

Because ultimately, you are the person who can take the best care of yourself.

No one else can do that as well as you can.